Friends, family, classmates & teachers have all, at times, been at me to start a blog for what feels like forever. So, I finally have. I want this to be a place where I can get some “brain marbles” organized and hopefully bring a little no-nonsense learning to a subject that I am an absolute zealot for - sex. And I do not just mean what we might typically think of when thinking about sex & its need-to-knows. I want to talk about everything to do with sex, and I do mean everything, no matter how sundry or quixotic it might seem. Because sex, you see, is the utter foundation of life and arguably civilization as we know it (don’t worry I’ll get to that!) and we talk about it far, far too little, relevant to this importance.
Because you see, the sex had by the generations before mine has impacted my journey as a sexual being, and back unto the dawn of the human community, that cycle has been repeated. The sexual culture my generation creates will influence & impact those to come, and as someone who strives to be a responsible member of her community (more or less, I mean, I am human after all!) I feel it is only right that I should try to improve that community in whatever way I might be able.
I won’t claim to be an expert because the learning never really stops, but I do know a lot, and I happen to know a lot of (sometimes very random?!) things about sex and related tangents. Much to the horror of my parents, I became quite vocally curious about sex as a tween (at least, that’s the earliest I remember my curiosity being more fervent than that of my peers) and it was different than just the stereotypical “I wanna DO IT!” kind of curiosity. I had (still have!) so many questions about so many things, and all the adults in my life were reticent to answer those questions with anything but vagueness. Most of those adults would also be horrified to know I'm starting a sex-positive blog, too, so I guess some things don't change much.
Now, one thing I cannot stand is a vague answer, a deflection, to a straightforward question. I used to pitch fits as a child if I didn’t get an answer, and even if I ended up not liking the answer I still wanted to know. Trust me, this little character trait has not lessened in time, quite the opposite, although I know now as an adult that sometimes a deflection is in itself an answer or is used by someone to shield or protect themselves from examining something uncomfortable. I get it, sometimes we need to be vague for our sanity, social standing, or situational context.
Sex, however, is not one of those subjects that requires any
abstraction, and our own experience & enjoyment of our sexual selves can in
truth be damaged & disfigured by lack of clarity. I will grant that some
aspects require ambiguity in some contexts but for things like learning how to
safely use a condom? The risks of birth control? How to ask for & establish
consent? Shouldn’t the instructions for this sort of learning be as clear and “user-friendly” as possible? I think so, I really do, and you know why?
Because a societal refusal to talk openly about STIs the
same way we talk about shingles or chickenpox has led to all but a handful
of antibiotics that still work against the former, but full-on vaccines for the
latter.
Because teaching little girls that getting ceaselessly and
sometimes mercilessly by the little boys in her grade means they like her, and
so when her first real boyfriend beats her for the first time and then
apologizes saying he still loves her, she believes him.
Because the 20-something-year-old man who suddenly starts having erectile issues might have gotten checked by his doctor soon enough to stop the tumors from spreading throughout his body, taking him far too young.
Because, friends & fellow humans, we are all the product
of sex, and we are all sexual beings in distinct & beautiful ways. This
beauty should be protected and nurtured, not hidden away, and treated as malfeasance
as we have done for so long.
Love & Hugs,
Red